Five Years Ago

It has been five years now since we gathered by your bedside to say goodbye.
Life has so many twists and turns.
So many little signs of hope when you slow down and pay attention.

My morning started early. Slight chill in the air. Up before everyone else. Enough time to make things easy going (slow wake up for the kids with extra snuggle time to give them a happier morning).


I noticed that Chloe's pants were a bit large around the waist as we were getting into the car for school, and sent her in to Dave for a new pair. She comes back out with a Velcro cord wrap holding two belt loops closer together (OMG - too funny! Such a dad thing!!! My mom loved that kind of stuff from Dave!)

A little back story:
Chloe and I had collected 6 monarch caterpillars from our garden to take to school a couple of weeks ago (they were devouring our milkweed & were close to making their chrysalis anyway - so the timing was right).


We figured that they would be emerging 1 to 2 weeks after they made their chrysalis, and they started on this week. 1 Monday. 1 Tuesday. And today, as I was walking out to my car, I stopped to look - and this one was emerging...


I quick grabbed Chloe so she could see this rare sight. And the some of the other little kids from her school were able to watch too.


Amazing! In about 10 minutes her abdomen had decreased in size as her wings expanded and began to dry.


The 4th should emerge today and the last two tomorrow. Then they will all be released together. How cool is that? And what perfect timing... Today of all days too?
If Dave had not taken the time to fix her pants, we would have been earlier & would have missed this entirely. Wow.

And upon arriving home, I took a moment to look at the garden, and noticed a few things.
This Zinnia - showing off it's beautiful back side...


And another Zinnia - loving the unfurling petals. Didn't notice the caterpillar until I saw this photo...


And this Four o'clock flower - appearing to be reaching out...


Catching morning sunshine rays...


And some genetic variation from years of cross pollination :)


And Begonias from my friend Karin's garden which Chloe loves to watch as we pull out of the driveway and comment every time: "Mom. Those pink flowers are so pretty".


And last thing as the morning continues to move on...
A feather. Dave found it on his morning run.


Thanks mom. I know you are keeping an eye on us.
Every day we love you & miss having you as a part of our physical life.
I carry you in my heart and carry out my promise that my kids will know their grandmother no matter what.

A few more hours and I can breathe again. Another year will begin again.

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Would Be Birthday...

Today is the day back in 1953 that my mom was born…
She would have been 58, and we would be celebrating with a party this weekend over the Labor Day holiday…

My sister and I will get together tonight and make my mom's best Meatloaf and Mashed Potatoes…
My brother will of course say - just like when he was little:
Meatloaf again? Why always Meatloaf?

Guess he doesn't like it as much as we do :)

We'll run around like crazy people chasing after Chloe & Riley like normal.
Maybe we'll make a cake in her memory.

If we did it up right - we would be working on pumpkin muffins soon…

Will have to post about the events once they actually happen.

For now, thoughts of her arise…
Darn - I was ok until I started typing this…
Tears will come if I slow down enough to really think about it all.

Happy would have been birthday mom…
Miss you so very much every day!

Mother's Day This Year...

To celebrate Mothers Day this year, I went with Chloe to school where we spent the morning together doing activities together that she usually does with her teachers and friends. 

I could tell that she was as delighted to have me there as I was to be there with her!

I really love all these little moments and try to remember them when I get full on stressed out with my poor time management. One thing I have been trying to focus on is spending time with Dave, Chloe and Riley when we have time together, rather than thinking and stressing over all the stuff that I need to get done. Having time to focus like this and realize that there is more to life makes me see things about my mom differently.

How did she manage it? Seriously?

This is my support for managing it - Dave…

And at times, few and far between, I know I do the same for him.

It's nice being part of a team that sometimes knows how to see the stress in the other, and pick up the slack in any way possible.

It was crazy trying to keep Riley entertained while waiting for pictures with the Easter Bunny this year. He just wanted to get down and run…

Riley is so active, it takes both of us (and a helpful big sister) to keep an eye on him!

And of course - the finger up the nose!

We've got Chloe in this same pose with Santa Claus…

I love it!

And so many thoughts about times like these where I picture my mom there with us, just cracking up and participating in it all. 

Don't know if she would have really been there, but I like imagining it - seeing her smile, that crinkled nose, hearing her laughter & voice.

Then I try my best to ignore those sad sinking emotions about her not being there for these moments, and just keep those imagined ones close to my heart, because I know that she is there with us...

A Sale To Help Move Items...

I have asked all the artists that make stuff for the My Mom Pattie Etsy shop if they would mind if I ran a 20% off sale in the MMP Etsy shop this next weekend: January 28-30th. 

Everyone thought it was a good idea, so here are the details:

On Friday, January 28th you can use the coupon code "MMP20" to have 20% taken off your order (excluding shipping). The sale ends on Sunday January 30th. 

I think this is perfect timing for Valentines day gifts… 

Even if it is a gift for yourself (you should be kind to yourself - you deserve it - and you will love the jewelry - and it helps me with the room dedication!)

I really want to get the room dedication (or whatever remains) at the Tri-State Bird Rescue taken care of in February. So this will be a last hurrah for collection for this "cause".

Because all of the artists keep the finished pieces in their possession until it sells, all the items will ship from the various artists individually after the sale is over. If you ordered multiple items from the same artist - then I will send you a refund for the extra shipping charges via paypal. You can always select "other" as a form of payment and I can send you an updated invoice as well.

If you want to grab a button for your blog or website for this event, visit:
http://marshanealstudio.blogspot.com/p/buttons-for-blogs.html

Look for more items to be added to the shop in the next couple of days!

Thank you!!!
Oh, and just FYI - purchases through the MMP shop automatically get you entered to a drawing I have over on my Marsha Neal Studio Specials Blog for January.

A Little Of My Mom At Christmas...

Christmas was my mom's absolute favorite time of the year…

Come October, the Christmas music came on and Christmas scents could be smelled throughout the house - usually starting with cinnamon scents to keep with the fall holidays as well…

Here are just a couple of her Byer's Choice Figures that I kept for myself that we put out every year for her…

They fit perfectly on top of the piano, right next to the tree...

She had SO many of these figures. Most of them stored now in bins.
Her favorites were from Williamsburg and Christmas collections...

Two Williamsburg figures and doorway...

Two Santa figures that Dave had bought for me: The Chocolate Santa and the Blue Santa that was the last Santa my mom received (we buried her with one just like this - kinda weird, I know…) 

And two Christmas figures selling toys...

She always wanted to spend some time during the Christmas season down in Williamsburg, VA.
Maybe one day we will make a family trip there…
I think you have to plan years in advance for something that goes on with the lighting of something (lanterns, trees, something special she had mentioned… Will have to do some research online…)

A Mother's Son...

I always knew there was a special bond between my mom and my brother…

There was something they shared, that I just didn't get…

I don't think I ever will because that was something very special between the two of them.

And that is ok with me.

It always has been.

There was never jealousy about it - just rolling eyes and laughter…

People tell me that there is something special about a mother and a son that just isn't the same with a mother and a daughter…

I'm not quite sure that I get that entirely yet. Don't know if I ever will…

I know things come in time and with experiences…

It is amazing how your heart swells with love and happiness when you hold your children…

And when your children want to hold you back.

I have that with both Chloe and Riley and I hope that never changes.

My brother always loved to be close to my mom.

Even when she was in the hospital with her Leukemia, I would come in to visit her and he would be sitting there, in bed next to her - arm around her, snacking on goodies (tootsie rolls, twizzlers, and Lorna Doone cookies mostly) and watching TV. And you could tell that she loved every doting moment of it… As only a mother could… Well, not only a mother… I saw how happy it made my mom to have him there treating her normally - just as if they were hanging out at home, watching the television late night when he was little… And that filled my heart with such peace. Always will...

My mom was the kind of mom that would sit with you and just rub your back.

That is one of the little things I miss most about her not being around - that gentle, effortless, comfortable contact that only my mom could give…

Tonight, Chloe curled up on me as if she were a baby as we sat down to a very rare moment of family TV time. She has not done that in a while. She is quite the independent almost 3 year old. I could have held her there in my arms laying upon me forever, just rubbing her back and cuddling with her…

Then tonight as Riley needed to be rocked back to sleep, I just sat rocking him, humming softly to him, listening to his night time music, and just gazed upon his little sleeping face in the dimly lit room and thought to myself - if only my eyes had cameras to hold his baby face here in my memory…

Then I remembered that I had taken this picture not that long ago during a daytime nap when he fell asleep in my arms…

I wonder if this is how it starts.

That bond between a mother and a son…

Only time will tell...

Keeping Warm...

I was given some old pictures the other week by my dad and amongst them were these pictures of my mom and me...


She was in her early 20's. I must've been 2.5 or 3.5 years old...


Chloe looks about this age now, and she is almost 3...

This was the first house I lived in, and the last for our family of four before they got divorced.

My dad built that fireplace for us...

My Grandma Neal told me that she remembered going to the house and seeing the huge hole in the wall my dad made to build it. Not that she worried about it, he could manage - we are a family of masons...

There are a lot of old pictures to share. I just thought this was appropriate since the cold weather is settling in...

-- Pictures Taken With & Posted From My iPhone